In your Shadow
by Bloody Nikki
Summary: What if Morgana survived being stabbed by Merlin and become Rowena Ravenclaw. This is the tale of how she got to that point and left the castle. This is a story of tears and heartbreak and finding her way out of darkness. Merlin/Morgana/Godric T for a number of deaths


**Notes** : I got this idea from reading the lack of Megana stories and Harry Potter. I don't normally do crossovers, but loved this idea a lot. What if Morgana survived being stabbed by Merlin and become Rowena Ravenclaw. This is the tale of how she got to that point and left the castle. I own nothing and am fine with that. Mergana forever! And there will not be a part two or second chapter! Enjoy!

 **In Your Shadow**

' _Not yet.'_ She had heard a voice whisper in the darkness. ' _You're promise. You swore.'_

She didn't know what was going on. She didn't know what was happening. All she knew was that she was alive, but that wasn't possible. She touched the area were Merlin had stabbed her and found only a hole in her dress, no wound. That didn't make sense. She had felt it. She had died. She had felt her sister and yet she was no longer dead. She could sense Arthur was still dead, but she was not.

She glanced around the world like a child newly born and realized that she was not safe. Merlin was still alive. Her doom was still out there and he had just killed her. She was sure that he would gladly do so again if he had the chance. What if this time he did not give her a swift death? What if he tried to find a worse way to end her? What if each time he killed her she would come back and he would just do it again?

NO. She would not let that happen. She would not let him find her. She would hide. She would run far away and make sure that he never found her. Everyone thought she was dead. Everyone would believe Merlin when he would tell them that she was gone. Yes, she would run away and hide. She would use her magic to change her looks and voice. No one would know who she was and she would be safe.

Xxx

Although Morgana moved about the world unnoticed by all, she feared that Merlin would find her. She feared that he somehow knew she was still alive. Every time she met a man with ocean blue eyes, her blood ran cold until she saw that it wasn't _him_. It wasn't Merlin and her heart started to beat once more. It was never him and she began to think she was just driving herself crazy until one day it was him.

She had the misfortune to find out, all too late, that Queen Gwen of Camelot was arriving in the town she sold her crafts. She had never dreamed she'd see her former friend again and felt nervous about being spotted. Morgana had tried to hurry as far away from the queen as possible, but fell and dropped her wares. Her chest hummed with fright as she heard his voice clear as day.

"Let me help with that." Merlin called out to her. She pulled her hood down further and tried to stand up to collect her things.

"No, I have it." She said using a spell to change her voice. She hoped that he wouldn't be able to sense the magic she used. She hoped he didn't see her for who she truly was.

"No, it's no trouble." Merlin said as he picked her items up. Morgana was shocked by the sight of him. He looked like an old man. Was he using some sort of spell? No, that didn't seem right. She thought to herself as she glanced at the queen who was looking over at him. Gwen's hair was very white and she seemed very tired. The witch narrowed her eyes as she tried to understand what she was seeing. How long had it been since that fateful day when Merlin had killed her, for the second time? Had it really been that long? They looked so much older, yet Morgana had not aged a day. Behind her glamour charms, she still looked the same as the moment Merlin ran her through with that sword. She hadn't even noticed that so much time had past.

"I would not want to keep your queen awaiting." Morgana whispered as she turned to stare at Merlin. He was looking at her oddly and Morgana couldn't understand why. Could he see through her spells? She realized with cold horror that the jewelry she sold had magic in them. They were used as charms and such by the town folk.

"Where did you learn these?" He questioned as he eyed one of her bracelets.

"My sister taught me how to make such things." Morgana informed him. "She told me how it was done and showed me how craft them. I did not take up until after her death and the death of my... the rest of my family. It helps to feed me when I can not find food in the woods."

"Merlin?" Gwen called. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes," He beamed to his queen. "All is well. I'm nearly done." He finished picking up her things and placing them in her bag once more. As he handed it to her, Morgana wished that she could do something to repay his kindness. Sure, he was just helping a random woman, but that didn't change how honored she felt.

"Here." She said as she pulled out a random gold ring. "This is charmed to help you find the one you love the most. If you ever lose her, this ring will bring you back to her." Morgana said as she placed it in his hand. "You only need to hold it to your heart and it will lead you to your true love."

"I can't take this." Merlin frowned and it seemed that her words had deeply hurt him. She wondered if maybe she had been wrong about him. Maybe, he hadn't found a wife after her death like she thought he would.

"Please," Morgana stressed. "Take it." She begged of him.

"Very well, but I doubt I shall ever use it." He agreed after a painful moment and she nodded her head with a smile before departing.

Once she was out of his sight, she cursed the Old Religion. She would have to move further away from Camelot and all that she knew if she wanted to live without fear. Merlin was a curious person and he was sure to come back asking questions. It didn't matter if he thought she was Morgana or not. He would come back to ask questions about her craft when he saw it worked and how he could learn to do such things. It was only a matter of when, but by than she would be gone.

Xxx

It's years later when Morgana is forced to face the truth of her renewed life. She was walking towards the home of her student. She was teaching a youth how to control his powers. He wasn't the first child she'd taught, nor would he be the last. She believed that he was the eleventh person to be taken under her care, but she couldn't be sure. She never stayed in one place for very long. She couldn't build a life for herself, not when he could be near. Merlin, her doom, could come at any moment.

"Why are you crying young one?" Morgana asked the sobbing child.

"Tis Merlin." The boys father frowned as he stepped outside his home. "My lad has grown to look up to the man, due in part to your stories." She felt uncomfortable for a moment. She had no idea why she even told the child about Merlin and his adventure. That had been a mistake. It was going to come back and bite her one day. She was sure of it.

"What about him?" Morgana didn't understand why Merlin would make the boy cry. Merlin was a good, kind person. He would never upset a child and leave the kid to cry. That wasn't who Merlin was. "What has happened?" She felt her blood boil and her heart panic.

She wanted to defend the boy, make Merlin pay for upsetting him. Yet, she was afraid to see him again. She feared what he would do to her. Just the other night she had a vision of him holding her in place as he yelled at her. She couldn't hear what he was saying, but she could tell that he was deeply upset. Even through the vision, Morgana could feel that death was close by for her as Merlin screamed with rage.

"Well, he has past." The man spoke to her as though it was plain as day.

"He was come to town and left." Morgana didn't understand how that was possible. Surely, there would have been a great up roar and celebration among the town folk. There would be no reason for the child to cry, unless they were tears of joy.

"No," The man seemed sad. "I thought you would have known."

"Known what?" Morgana didn't like to be confused. She didn't like to be left out in the dark. If this man didn't start talking, she would kill him soon. She was sure of it.

"He is dead."

"Dead?" She gasped out. "Dead?" She couldn't understand it. Her mind couldn't understand. How? How could he be dead? He was Merlin. Merlin couldn't die. She knew that he couldn't die. No matter how much she tried to kill him would never die. He was Merlin. He couldn't die. No, this man was wrong. Merlin was alive. She thought to herself as she rushed to her home. She would prove it.

She used her magic to feel him out. She tried to sense where he was. She tried to feel where he could be. There was a small gleam of his life force. It was so tiny that she wasn't sure that she had felt it. In fact, it was like that of a child. She spent the next few weeks feeling this source. She had thought Merlin had been turned into a child, or was hiding for a small bit of time. Yet, as a year slowly past her by, she realized that it couldn't possibly be Merlin. He was too strong to stay under a curse and had no reason to hide from the world for this long.

She had to face facts. Merlin truly was dead and she was alone.

That night she cried for the first time in ages. She cried and made the skies cry with her. Her sorrow and tears flooded the village, but the town survived the storm as she forced herself to be strong. _'You promised.'_ Those words entered her mind sometime during the storm and replayed in her head over and over again. They seemed to ease her heart and gave her a sense of duty, though she didn't understand why or what they meant. It was because of those words that she set out in the world once more. Just because the world didn't have Merlin in it didn't mean that all the good was lost from the it. There was still that young boy that needed her. He still was waiting for more lessons and Merlin would have wanted her to teach him. She was sure of that.

Xxx

It was hundreds of years later when she meant a young girl named Helga. She was a caring young witch and Morgana grew to love her deeply. It i=was with this young witch that Morgana felt like she could open up and tell her everything. Helga was much like Gwen and Le Fey needed someone, anyone to speak honestly with. She was so alone and so tired of hiding. Morgana even stopped wearing illiousion charms to hide herself.

"Helga." Morgana called out to the thirteen year old.

"What is it Rowena?" Helga questioned her teacher.

"I must confess something of great importance." Morgana breathed out with a heavy heart. "You must promise to tell no one. You must swear it."

"Of course I swear." Helga rushed out. "I would never betray your trust."

"My name is not Rowena." Morgana choked out. "Nor is this what I truly look like. I have used a spell to make me appear as though I am of seventeen years." She gently took hold of the child's hands and removed her spell that made her look just as she did when she first met Merlin. "My name is Morgana, but you may know me as Morgan Le Fey."

"The dark witch?" Helga's face paled in horror. Morgana told stories of Camelot and its wicked witch. "The one you warn me against becoming?"

"Yes," Morgana nodded her head in disgust. "I am she...and I hate the person that I was. So, please..." She couldn't the words out.

"It's alright Ro- Morgana." Helga corrected herself. "It will be alright." She took the witch in her arms and let the old witch cry. They had much to talk over, but for now Morgana needed a friend.

Xxx

Helga has just turned fifteen and asked Morgana to go with her to a ball. Morgana knows no one there. She hasn't been a part of the higher classes for some time, but she recalled some of their great grandparents. She imagined the night would be boring, but knew that Helga had never been to such an event before. With a heavy heart, the Camelot witch said she would go.

"You look unhappy." A good looking youth spoke to Morgana as she tried to find her friend.

"I seem to have lost my friend." Morgana pouted as she glanced around. "I can not see her and fear she has run off to the kitchens. Do you by chance know where they are?"

"Ha, yes by chance I do." The man laughed at his good fortune. "Let me take you there."

"Thank you..." Morgana paused as she tried to think of his name. She had never seen his face before and couldn't recall whose grandchild he could be.

"Sir Ravenclaw of Albania." The man gave her a slight bow.

"Ah, Albania." Morgana smiled. "What a beautiful place you come from."

"You have been there?"

"I have been many a place." She smirked playfully at his shock before taking his arm.

"Did you enjoy it there?"

"Yes, very much though I did not come across one with your name." She frowned.

"I would think as much." He agreed as he looked her over. "My family has just come into money. We are still building a name for ourselves."

"Oh, and what is it your family does?" Morgana was interested in this man.

"Ha, you are full of questions, are you not?"

"Of course." Morgana agreed. "How else will I find answers if I dare not ask a question?"

"Well, Lady... Forgive me. I fear I don't know your name."

"It is Rowena." Morgana informed him. "And I am no lady. I am put a simple governess to Lady Hufflepuff."

"Are you not young to be taking care of a child so full grown?" He wondered aloud.

"Yes," Morgana lied. "I am, but you see I did not start out as her governess. I was a maid in her home. One night she had an awful nightmare and no one could sooth her. I had happened to be in the house at the time and helped ease her to bed. Though I may be four years her elder, her father was greatly impressed with my skills and asked me to help care for her. I was thirteen at the time and found no reason why I was not old enough to help care for her. Plus, mother said that it was my chance to better myself." The story was mostly true. She had used a spell to make herself seem thirteen and had lied to Lord Hufflepuff about her mother agreeing she should work as a governess.

"And as such you have yet to marry." Sir Ravenclaw nodded his head in understanding.

"How could I and keep my position as her governess?" Morgana frowned.

"But marriage is something you want?"

"I have often thought about having a child or two." Morgana thought the matter over. "So, yes. One day I would like to be married." The two had stopped just outside of the kitchen. Morgana could already hear Helga screaming about how the food hadn't been cooked right. "It seems that my charge is indeed inside."

"It would seem so." He had yet to leave and she was unsure what else to say to him.

"I hope you enjoy the rest of your evening." Morgana bowed slightly to him before moving to open the door.

"As I do you." He smiled at her. He took her hand and kissed it. "May we meet again in the future." He whispered against her skin as he locked eyes with her.

"Indeed." She smiled softly to him.

Xxx

"Say yes." Helga told Morgan as they sat in the library.

"To what am I agreeing to?" Morgana wondered as she looked up from her book. She was reading about new spells and how flicking your wrist can change how powerful a charm could be. She still felt odd using a wand, but knew that it made it easier to teach spells. So, she embraced its use for the moment while secretly hoping it wouldn't last.

"To Sir Ravenclaw." Helga couldn't contain her joy. "Surely he will ask for your hand in marriage."

"You know I can not agree to be with him." Morgana frowned. "I can not age, nor can I tell him about who I am."

"You are a great lair and could keep this lie until everyone is long since gone." Helga told her friend. "And I am sure you can trust him with your secret."

"I am not so sure." The Camelot witch bit her lip. "But I will think the matter over. Besides, he will not ask me. I am a poor girl with no family left. He will want someone that will better his standing. That is not me."

xxx

How did this happen? Morgana wondered to herself with cold horror as she stood before all her guests. She had gone and married Sir Ravenclaw. She couldn't believe she had done something so foolish. How was she going to explain her secret to him? How was she going to tell him that they could never grow old together.

Well, she was going to have to find a way to tell him now. There was no way that she was going to spend the rest of his life lying to him.

"You have them all fooled, do you not?" A young man all but hissed at her. She turned to find him glaring at her and couldn't understand why. She had never seen him before in her life.

"Do I know you?" She asked with a gently smile.

"Ha, do not smile at me." He sneered at her. "I know what you really are. I have seen your very soul and it is an ugly, nasty thing. Tell the truth, you married him for his money and power. Did you not?"

"Now, see here." She fumed as quietly as she could. "How dare you speak to me as though you know me? If you did, you would know that I spent much of my life caring and training young ones with their magic. I do not know what nasty thing you see, but it is not me. And I did not marry him for his money. He is my husband because I care for him and he cares for me." She snapped. "Now, if you do not wish us well you may leave."

He gave her a strong look of hatred and regret before turning on his heels. She couldn't believe he had said that to her. Her soul was not ugly and nasty, or was it? She had caused so much misery and pain in the past. Was she still that same person or had she changed?

"Was that Gryffindor?" Her husband questioned as he joined her side.

"I do not know who that was." She informed him.

"I have spoken with him a number of times." Ravenclaw stated. "Good judge of character and one hell of a fighter."

"You seem to like him almost as much as me." She joked to hide her heavy heart. There was no way she could tell him. There was no way he could find out.

"Yes, I do." He smiled at his new wife. "He and I share many views." He kissed her cheek. "Though he loves those King Arthur stories a bit too much." He added. "Don't care for them much myself. Hate that Morganess, or something. She is just awful. I would hate to married to someone like her."

"Yes, she was very awful." Morgana agreed knowing that he'd hate the real her.

"Nothing like you." He kissed her lips with a smile while she forced herself to kiss him back.

Xxx

"There should be a school for this stuff." Helga commented one day as they look for a book.

"I agree that Magic schools should be made." Morgana frowned as she couldn't find what she was looking for. "But we are women and no one will listen to us." They had talked about this before. "And my husband can not fund the school alone. He carries much weight, but he alone will be of no help."

"What about that man you were speaking with before?" Helga recalled. "The one with the odd fingers?"

"Him? I believe he may help. He had agreed that we were letting our children die because they did not know how to use their gifts and he did not laugh at the idea of a school." Morgana stated evenly. "But my husband distastes him. We would need to have someone of good standing to speak on behalf of Slytherin. I do not wish to fight with my husband. He deserves to have a happy home."

"Do you know of any that would be willing to talk with him?"

"No, I can think of few that would be able to move his mind when it is made."

"We shall think of something." Helga promised just before a man slammed into Morgana. His ocean eyes hardly looked her way before he pushed past her. Poor Morgana has left flat on her bum as he went about his day. She was glad that he lost something from their run in. He dropped a book on the floor as he hurried out of the shop. It served him right. "How rude."

"Yes, very." Morgana said as she pouted her lips. She dusted off her dress once she got on her feet. "I see no reason why he could not say he was sorry."

"Too true." Hegla agreed. Her eyes landed on the book that lay on the floor. She picked it up and smiled. "Though it seems he has helped us find your book." There was a pained look on her face as though Helga didn't know what to do.

"Well, I am keeping it." Morgana smirked. "I know you would want me to track him down and return it, but I think I deserve this copy for the way he treated me."

"Oh, you are truly evil." Helga shook her head.

"And you keep bothering my house elf on her cooking." The Camelot witch grinned. "She longs to have you over to talk about new ways for dressing the ham and such. I swear I am running out of reasons to have people over and I can not possibly eat all the food she prepares. It is all your fault."

"Ha, ha. Just think, when we open our school she'll have so many to feed that she will leave you be."

"Ha, that would be a nice change of pace." She laughed with joy. "If I gain any more weight, I will be unable to fit into my dress."

xxx

She felt dead. She felt as though she couldn't move her body. She couldn't even breathe without it hurting. Just when she was finally happy this had to happen. She couldn't stop holding her stomach and crying softly to herself. It seemed she would never be a mother after all.

"My love?" Sir Ravenclaw called her back to the land of the living and she turned to see what he wanted. She noticed that he had brought someone with him this time, and it wasn't the doctor.

"Forgive me." She said as she sat up in bed. "But tell Helga that I can not take visitors. I am not ready to face her just yet."

"That is not who has come to see you." Her husband told her. "It is a friend of mine that wishes to speak with you."

"Oh," She felt so tiny and small in the world. All her courage seemed taken from her. "If it is about the baby-"

"It is not about that Mi Lady Ravenclaw." Gryffindor spoke out gently. He seemed to almost be in as much pain as she was. She guessed that he truly was close friends with her husband. "It is about the school that you wish to open."

"I see." She readied herself for the bad news. She was sure that it was coming. This man didn't care for her and nothing would change that.

"I wish to help you build it." The knight of bravery stated. "And so does a friend of mine. We both think it is a good idea." Morgana couldn't help it. She covered her mouth in shock, unsure of what to say.

"I will be helping as well." Sir Ravenclaw whispered as he took her hand. "But only with the money, I leave all else to you and your bright mind."

"Thank you." She couldn't help but feel this was due, in part, from losing the baby. He wanted to get her mind off of the child they could never have and this seemed the best way. "This means the world to me."

"I know my love. I know."

xxx

"Are you sure that this is the place we should build the school?" Slytherin questioned Morgana as two cloaked beings stared at her.

"Yes, this is it." She beamed. "This is the place from my dreams, the place from my visions. Can you not feel the magic around us?"

"Hogwarts?" Godric muttered. "It is a strange name for a school."

"No, stranger than any of yours." Slytherin smirked at Morgana. "Plus, I rather like the name.

"As do I." Helga smiled softly as she pulled down her hood. "Besides, this is truly her vision. She should have the right to name the school."

"Thank you." Morgana chuckled. "But this is our school, not mine." Helga shrugged.

"What ever you say my friend." The young witch stated. "All I ask is that you leave the kitchens to me. I have tasted your food and it is a nightmare."

"That is not true." Morgana defended herself. "You have enjoyed many of my dishes." She laughed off.

"As long as Rowena keeps her staircases," The snake speaker stated. "I care not what you do Helga."

"The students will never find their way to class!" Helga shouted.

"I do not know." Godric cracked a smile. "I think it will be great fun."

"Think of all the first years that will be lost." Morgana chuckled. "They will have to be quick on their feet to think of a way out." Although Morgana was now a good witch, she enjoyed playing games and a few pranks now and than. The ever changing staircases seemed like a great way to weed out the dumb students from the bright ones and to cause a bit of panic. Godric watched her as she beamed at the idea. She seemed truly happy.

Xxx

 _'Morgana.'_ She heard Merlin's voice at night. She heard him calling to her in the darkness. Her husband held her as she sobbed into his chest each and every night. She feared that this was a sign. The warlock was coming back. Her doom was coming for her. Glasses shattered as she screamed and begged for mercy.

It was one such night that her magic lashed out at the one man she never wanted to hurt. Sir Ravenclaw rushed into their bedchamber with Godric hot on his heels. Morgana snapped her eyes open and a flash of gold could be seen for only a moment. Her husband was slammed backwards onto the nearby wall as Morgana begged for her life.

"Please. Please... no..." She cried not. "No...Do not hurt me!" She screamed as Godric took hold of her. "Do not let him hurt me. Do not let him." She begged the wizard. She was shocking in fear.

"It will be alright." The brave knight whispered to her with such sad eyes. His aqua orbs softened as he watched her shiver in horror. "No one is here to harm you."

"Rowena..." Her husband choked out in great pain.

"No!" Morgana cried out as she pushed Godric away from her and stumbled out of her bed. "No!" She cried out as she reached her husband. She was in shock. There was blood all around him and he was looking at her like he was frighten.

"Rowena?" He called to her.

"Stay with me." She pleaded as she took him in her arms. "Stay with my love. Do not leave me." Yet, all her begging was for not. He was already gone and there was nothing she could do to bring him back.

Xxx

She was alone once more in the cold world. Her husband had been taken from her and she had no one to share her heart with now. She stared at the tombstone unsure of what to do next. How was she to move on from this lose? How was she to raise the child inside of her all alone? She felt someone standing over her and didn't care to ask who it was. It didn't matter to her. She just needed someone to talk to, someone to open up to in that moment.

"He wanted nothing more than to have a son or daughter." She frowned as she touched her stomach. "How tragic that I find myself with a child and he will never know he is a father."

"I am sorry." She heard Godric's voice crack. It was clear that he was suffering from the lose of his friend.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." She muttered in such a hollow manner. "It was I that killed him. It was I that took his life. I murdered him... Merlin..." She covered her mouth in horror as tears steamed down her face. "Merlin knows what a monster I am." She whispered as she sobbed. "He deserved better than me. I should have never married him." She fell to her knees due to her heavy heart.

"I am sorry. Truly sorry." He said as he placed a hand on her shoulder and stayed with her throughout the night.

Xxx

Morgana gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Helga was her midwife and the two had cried with joy at the perfection that was in her arms. The first stones of the castle had been placed and this felt like a fresh start for the former dark witch.

"She has yet to let the child go." Helga beamed as Godric and Salazar came to visit. They could hear the witch singing a strange lullaby. Helga guessed that it was from the Old Religion. She found it odd that Godric seemed to know the tone while she and Salazar had never heard of it before.

"Shame that the child will grow without a father." Salazar watched Morgana carefully. "And to have no siblings as well, but Rowena is young. There is a chance that..."

"I think we should leave." Godric cut off his friend. "We can speak with her later."

"Of course." Salazar agreed as he kept watching Morgana. "She needs her rest."

xxx

The years past and Morgana can't help but grow close to the dark wizard. He is charming, in his way, and they share many interests. He even built the library just for her, though all the students will be able to use it too. Morgana didn't have the heart to keep it for only her students and self. That just didn't seem fair.

Helena was growing up fast and there school would be open in a matter of years. If they timed it great, the girl would end up being one of their first students. Morgana couldn't believe how wondered her life was turning out. It was than, in the dead of night as she walked back to her chambers, she heard the voice again. It had been years and now it was back.

" _Morgana."_ Merlin's dead voice called in her head. It took everything she had not to scream in terror. She couldn't live like this. She couldn't keep hearing his voice. She tried to think of why she would be hearing him. It was true that she missed him. There had been one time when she had thought she was falling in love with him. Maybe, this was a sign from the Old Religion. Maybe, they wanted her to be happy. Maybe, they wanted her to use that spell. She wondered to herself as she heard him call to her once more.

Xxx

Two weeks past with him calling to her before she acted. She was amazed that she was able to do it. She couldn't believe her eyes at the sight before her, a prefect copy of the being she once knew. He even sounded like the boy. The only difference between this copy and the boy was that he was blank. There was nothing in his head. He couldn't even speak. In her heart, she knew that while he looked just like Merlin, he would never be Merlin.

She would spend three months teaching him everything he needed to know. In those three months, the calling stopped and she felt as though she had done the right thing. She was pleased with her work and relaxed for the first it in a long while.

Xxx

She brought the copy to meet her co-founders after he'd been alive for four months. It broke Salazar's heart to see the youth. In his mind, he had planned to marry Morgana and this was a heavy blow. It was Godric that seemed to have the hardest time believing Morgana had a suitor though. She found this odd, but said nothing.

"This is Lord Matthew Wyllt." Morgana informed the three over dinner. "He was the son of the master whom I worked for before I went to stay with Helga." She lied. Helga gave her a look that showed her confusion, but she said nothing.

"Hm," Godric cleared his throat. "And you were taken with him than too?" He questioned as he eyed the copy of Merlin.

"Yes, I was taken with him from the first moment I saw him." She told them the truth because she could finally tell them some truth about herself. It oddly felt great to be honest for once.

"But we were of different classes." Merlin's copy, Matthew, frowned as he looked at Morgana. "I wanted so much to tell her how I felt and be with her, but my father would have killed her, or worse, had he known my feelings. Magic wasn't something accepted in my home."

"I was always in fear that he would find out about my magic." Morgana remembered. "My mother," well, truly it had been her sister. "Helped to move us away to a far better place to live, a place where we did not have to fear of our lives."

"When he past away," Matthew went on to say. "I tried to find her, but had no luck. I thought I would never see her again until just a few months ago I happened by her."

"It must have been fate." Morgana beamed.

"Yes, it must have." Godric said in deep thought. "Pardon me, I have something to look up."

"Have you married before meeting her?" Salazar asked Matthew. He wanted to find some way to make him look bad, untrue, in front of Rowena.

"No, never." Matthew shook his head. "How could any being compare to Rowena?" Morgana smiled at the pretty words and felt her heart sped up in her chest. Yes, this had been the right thing to do.

Xxx

She didn't know how long it has been, but Matthew had made himself at home in the castle. Godric and Salazar did not seem pleased with him being around. Salazar stated it was because those without magic didn't belong. Godric said that is wasn't safe and that it was wrong. He never explained why having Matthew was wrong.

"Rowena!" Godric shouted. "He needs to go."

"Why?" Morgana glared at him. "He makes me happy and causes no trouble. The house elves love him." She pointed out. "And Peeves causes less tricks now."

"Because, it is wrong." Godric pulled at his hair. "Do you not see that?"

"Why is it wrong? Because he does not have magic?" Rowena knew why it was wrong. She knew that she had made him to love her, made it so he wanted to be with her. He was a doll and everything he did was not real, but Godric didn't know that. He couldn't know that. So, he had no reason to believe it was wrong. "You are starting to sound like Salazar." She sneered.

"That is not why this is wrong and you know it." Godric roared like a mighty loin.

"Than explain why and I shall do away with him." She challenged. When he said nothing, she turned her back to him and readied herself to leave. She paused when she heard _his_ voice.

"Morgana."

Her whole body freeze. She hadn't heard that voice in her head in almost a year. She couldn't believe that she was hearing it again. She turned her head to see Godric standing behind her.

"What?" She asked with confusion.

"You need to let him go." Godric stated, but that wasn't his voice coming out of his mouth. It was Merlin's voice coming out of his mouth. Why was Merlin speaking when Godric was talking? She didn't understand it. Her mind was playing tricks on her.

"Rowena!" Merlin called to her from outside. "Rowena!" It was louder and growing louder with each second. Morgana turned to exit the room and find out why he was calling.

"Morgana!" She heard Merlin call behind her or at least it sounded behind her. It also sounded like it was in her head.

"Rowena!" Matthew called to her. "Come quick. Helena fell and hit her head." He shouted. Morgana shook as she took him in. He was dressed just like Merlin. He looked just like Merlin. "Rowena, come. Your daughter needs you."

He stepped towards her as she heard someone shout her name in her head again. Merlin kept trying to talk to her. He kept trying to say so many things. She couldn't think straight. He was starting to scream at her. " _Morgana! Stop this! Morgana, what have you done? Morgana!_ " His voice was so fill of rage and Matthew kept walking towards her.

She couldn't help it. She was scared. She hadn't meant to do it. She honestly hadn't.

Without meaning to, she sent Matthew flying backwards. She hadn't realized that behind him had been the stair railing until she had pushed him over. She rushed to the railing just in time to see him hit the ground below. She had killed him. She shook in horror as the thought filled her mind. Students all gathered around the body, for by now they had opened the school, and wondered what had happened.

"Rowena?" Godric questioned her as he pulled her away from the rail and looked below. "What did you do?" He asked her in his normal voice.

"Merlin..." She gasped. "He was in my head. He was screaming in my head...and he kept stepping towards me, screaming in my head." She shivered with fear. "I thought he was going to kill me. I thought he came back to kill me."

For some reason Godric looked at her as though he did something wrong. She didn't understand why. Was this what his pity looked like?

"It will be alright Rowena." He promised her. "Everything will be alright."

xxx

She drove herself into her work. She spent hours working on spells and new ways to teach classes. Everyone was in awe of her talents. Helena didn't know about her mother's past or her age. Morgana thought it best to hide who she truly was. Helga thought it was a mistake, but kept her secret. Morgana wasn't happy though. She still felt as though Merlin was close by and she missed her doll greatly. Matthew had made her feel better. It was nice having another share her secret. Maybe, it was time for Helena to hear the truth.

"Helena?" Morgana sighed out as she went to speak with her child. "I wish to speak with you." She knocked on her daughter's door. There was no answer and the Camelot witch started to panic. She forced the door open to find the room empty. There was only a letter addressed to her.

 _Dear Mother,_

 _I have left in search of my own life. I can not bear to stand in your shadow any longer. I beg you to understand why I had to leave and why I took it with me. You are so clever and wonderful. Everyone longs to be with you and be apart of your life. They only see me as your daughter and nothing else. I can not live that kind of life any longer. I must find my own path. I love you mother, but I will never return to that castle or you. This is good bye forever. I shall never write to you again. Be happy mother in your work and find the peace that I could never give you._

 _Love your faithful daughter,_

 _Helena Ravenclaw_

xxx

"He will find her." Helga promised her friend. "He will find your daughter."

"No, he will not." Morgana frowned as she felt her daughter die. "She is gone and she never knew how much I loved her." She sobbed. "She thought I did not love her, that she gave me no peace. But that was wrong. I wanted to make this school the best I could for her. I wanted her to have what I never did as a child."

"There, there." Helga held her friend. "Go on and cry. Cry it all out. You deserve it."

xxx

"Rowena." Godric called out as she lay in bed. There was talk that she was dying, though nothing seemed wrong with her.

"Go a way Godric." Morgana begged. "Leave me be. I have lost everything. I simply wish to be left alone." Her back was to him as she gazed at the dying forrest.

"NO, I will not." Godric firmly stated. "I can not."

"Please, I just need to be left alone."

"Please, Morgana listen to me." Godric said her real name. How did he know her name? Had Helga told someone? No, she would never.

"Who told you that? Who gave you my name?" She asked as she stood up to face him. The person before her has not Godric, but Merlin. Merlin was standing before her.

"I have known your name since my youth." Merlin said with Godric's voice. "Since Camelot and you were a noble lady of court and I was the manservant to your brother."

"How is this possible?"

"I am like you." Merlin stated in his own voice. "I am ageless and change my appearance and name when I have stayed in one place for too long."

"You... you knew that at the wedding." She recalled how cold he had been to her. "But you... you helped me build the school. Why? You hate me." She pointed out. "Why help me?"

"I over heard you one day at a book store." He told her. "I heard how important this was to you and this is what they need." He gestured to outside the window. "They needed a safe place to learn where the Uther's of the world couldn't hurt them. As much as I may not have liked the person you became, I could not ignore that you were right. They needed this school and I knew you could help me build it."

"And Matthew?" She realized now why he wanted the double done. "You knew than too. You knew what I did." She felt horrified.

"I did." He swallowed. He had hoped she wouldn't bring the copy up. Her eyes narrowed as she thought over the years she had known him.

"You...you were calling to me." She recalled all those nights she woke up afraid, thinking he was coming to kill her. "You...it was because of you that...I...I killed...you..." She couldn't believe it.

"I am sorry." Merlin told her. He was crying. "I did not know you would do that. I wanted to tell you about me and I thought... I thought that it would ease...I thought it would be better in your head than in front of you. I did not think...how could I have known...you..."

"You did not think how I would feel? How scary it would be for me to hear my doom calling out to me?" She gritted her teeth together. "I killed my husband because of you. Than years later, you drive me mad once more... Did you not learn from the first go? Or did you enjoy making me crazy?"

"I wanted to tell you." He shouted at her. "I did not know how."

"Morgana, I am Merlin." Morgana shouted. "I thought you should know. Please do not kill me." She glared at him. "That would have been much better than calling to me in my mind and letting me think I was going mad. I killed people because of you. I drove myself in my work and made my daughter think I did not love her because of you."

"You took everything from me." He roared at her. "Do not act as though you do not deserve to suffer for your crimes."

"You forget Merlin." She hissed his name. "I am the monster you created. I became like that because you poisoned me. Without you in my life, I did not kill anyone. I lived in peace and no one was harmed. The moment you return, you turned me back into a monster." Her eyes flashed gold and she threw him across the room.

"Yet, you made your little doll look like me." Merlin glared at her. "I ruined your life and you made him wear my face."

"Yes." She was enraged. "And what of it? Does it bother you?"

"Why? Why choose me of all people?"

"Because I loved you." She cried out. "Of everyone, I loved you. I loved you with everything within me and you killed me. You ripped the every heart out of me." She sobbed.

"Morgana?" Merlin hadn't thought she'd tell him that. Before he could say more, she transform into a raven, rather than her house mascot, and cried out. He had once again broken her. He watched her with tearful eyes as she flew out of the room leaving Merlin alone.

That was the night history would say that Rowena Ravenclaw died. She never returned to the castle as long as Merlin and Helga stayed there. She had nothing to go back to.

Xxx

"How did you find me?" It has been seventy years since their fight. She imagined that she wouldn't see him again for much longer, but than it hadn't been that long ago she thought he was dead.

He didn't say anything as he walked into her room. It was simply and dirty above a bar. She didn't need much and it seemed a good place to hide. There was a small table in front of her and she watched him step towards it. He looked like the Merlin that ran her threw and she looked like the woman he killed. She wasn't sure what he was doing as he placed something onto the table. She didn't understand why he placed a ring on the table. She didn't understand the meaning.

"What is this?" She questioned as she eyed it.

"Do you not know?" Merlin frowned as he looks between it and her. He clearly saw something that she did not.

"Of course not." She snapped. "I would not ask if I knew."

"It is a ring." He explained.

"I can see that."

"It is the ring." He stressed. It was clear she did not understand. He sighed in defeat. Of course she would not remember. Why would she? "There was a village that I stopped in with Gwen. An old woman, you in disguise, fell and as payment for helping you...you gave me a ring to find my true love if she ever went missing."

"Ha, and you kept it?" Morgana was shocked. "You knew it was from me and you kept it?"

"It is how I found you." Merlin stated unable to look at her.

"Get out." She whispered as she glared at the ring. He was lying to her. He couldn't be telling the truth. "Get out."

"I have found you a number of times with this ring." Merlin ignored her. "I did not know it was you. I did not know until I started to piece things together. I was a shop boy, a knight, a servant, barkeep, and other things...and I would use the ring to find some kind of joy in my wait and it would bring me to you." He told her. "At first, I did not understand. I thought it was broken or lead me to woman of like natures, women like you...but than I saw you. I saw you a few weeks before the wedding. I thought it a trick, but I overheard you with Helga and I could not block the truth. You were Morgana and you were alive. I was so angry at you. You were alive and did not tell me. You left me alone in the world. We could have faced the world together." His voice dropped towards the end. He sounded so broken.

"I thought you were dead." Morgana took a seat on the bed. "I heard you were dead and tried to feel you. All I felt was a child that was growing as a normal child. I did not believe that could be you. How could it be possible that the great Emrys could be turned into a child and stay that way?" She snorted. "I did not think you planned it so. I thought you were gone and I was all alone." She started crying. "I cried for days. I nearly destroyed a whole town with my sorrow." She never told anyone that before.

"I caused an earth quake when it truly hit me that you were gone." Merlin took a seat beside her. "You had promised. You had made a vow to save our people. How could you die so easily when they still needed you? When I still needed you?" He whispered the latter as he closed his eyes.

"You are my doom." She pointed out.

"The light to your dark. The love to your hate." He finished with a heavy heart.

"I do not hate anymore." She informed him softly. "Nor am I dark."

"Than why must I stay your doom?" He asked her. "Why can I not do right by you?" he pleaded for an answer. "Why must I always hurt you?" He cupped her face.

"Why must you always think instead of do as your heart tells you?" She asked as they locked eyes. "These past years, at the castle, where you listening to your heart or head?"

"Ha," He gave a weak smile. "You the founder of the house of the clever and those who thirst for knowledge ask me to stop thinking?"

"Some times the wisest action is to stop listening to your head and listen to your heart." She smiled sadly.

"I have never listened to my heart when it came to you." He choked. "Everyone told me not to. Everyone said it was wrong."

"They are not here now." She brushed his tears away. "And you have treated me well enough as Godric. You have been very kind to me."

"Not kind enough." Merlin frowned. Their foreheads were touching. She shook her head.

"What does your heart tell you to do?" Morgana asked him after a long pause.

His answer was short. It was simple and wordless. He pressed his lips on hers and they spent much of the night doing everything but talking.

* * *

 **End Notes** : Well, that's it. No part two. I thought about it and said nah. Not going to do a chapter focused on him. I'm too lazy and think that the piece doesn't need a second half. I like it the way it is. Anyway, hope you enjoyed it and will leave your thoughts below.

Thanks- Bloody Nikki


End file.
